not (exactly) a bar pianist

I am not an Oscar Peterson,
or even a Richard Clayderman,
but I can play the piano a little - and at least
it's mostly worked so far when it comes to getting laid...

It's like when a guy orders a pint of beer, but the way he reaches for it,
a monkey jumps out from behind the bar, jumps up and sticks his dick in his beer.
The guy angrily shouts at the bartender, "I'm not drinking this! Pour me another!
What's a monkey doing here anyway?
- Look, we can't help it, we signed a pianist, he's got the monkey,
We should talk to him about it. The guy goes to the pianist:
- You know that the monkey puts his dick in the beer?
- I'm afraid I don't know, but if hum, I'll try...